Jokes!

[fishfinder]

A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for
your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned,' then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. 'I'm very sorry. 
I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. 
I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

[fisheye]

For all those over 40 and feel a bit down
enjoy
http://www.igc.be/igc/dearpenis.htm

[robby017]

Rodney Carrington dak.... tal genn dak l-artist.... check out 'Show them to me' on youtube.... lol

[Granitu]

jekk jogbukhom dawk t tip ta artisti ficcu stephen lynch fuq il youtube... music comedian iehor dan al nies mux serji

[ggantno1]

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem
with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and
are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since
I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they
don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and
come back to see me next week." The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor,"
she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...
although still silent... stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that
we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

[MartinB]

jekk jogbukhom dawk t tip ta artisti ficcu stephen lynch fuq il youtube... music comedian iehor dan al nies mux serji

Jew iehor tajjeb hafna "Kevin Bloody Wilson" 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b65Zf6r-RE

[robby017]

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT   
(This one is   too   funny to not forward.)



My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed
to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.   
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that   
'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'   

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground..'   

She calmly turned her head and said,   
'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'   

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,   

'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, B***h' 

[visa]

  A young blonde woman in Valletta was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself from the
Upper Barrakka lift.   

She went down to the railing and was about to leap into the abbys when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge crying her eyes out.   
 
He took pity on her and said "Look, you have so much to live for.     I'm off to  Europe  in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.   I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." 

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." 

The girl nodded yes. "After all, what do I have to lose?"     Perhaps a fresh start in  Europe  would give her life new meaning. 

That night, the sailor took her for a ride in his hired car, put her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.   From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. 

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. 

 
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked. 

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, who's stowed me away"   she explained "I get food and free passage to  Europe , and he's screwing me."   

''He certainly is love," the captain said. "This is the Gozo Ferry." 


   

[robby017]

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents
         knew all about it.

       
        If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.

       The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
        speak with her boys.
       
        The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, and the
         older boy was to see the preacher in the afternoon.
       
        The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is,
         son?'

        The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
       
        So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?'
     
        Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's

         face and bellowed, 'Where is God?'

        The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closest, slamming the door behind him.
       
        When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, 'What happened?'

        The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time,' (I just LOVE reading this next line

         again and again:)
       
        'GOD is missing, and they think we did it!'

[ramio]

Maria  had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian  she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at  her mother's house, she was very nervous.

Her  mother reassured her;

'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's  a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of  you.

Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So,  up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his  shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs  to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big  hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the  mother, 'all good men have hairy chests.
Go upstairs.  He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went  again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his  pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran  downstairs to her mother. 'Ma ma, Mama, Tony took off  his pants and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry!  All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good  man   Go  upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'

So, up  she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his  socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes.  When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama,  Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama  said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.'   

[Kevin G]

An African, an Arab and Norman Lowell are drinking at a bar. The African drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Africa our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Sahara we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'

Norman Lowell, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the
African and the Arab, and catches his glass. He says, 'In Malta we have so many illegal Africans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice!'

[Granitu]

lol tajba ta veru din kevin g

[ramio]

  Dating in 1964

       It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1964 and Fred had
a date with Peggy Sue.  He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

       "Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred
in.

       "Have a seat in the living room.  Would you like something to
drink?   Lemonade?    Iced tea?"

       "Iced tea, please," Fred said.  Mom brought the iced tea.

       "So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

       "Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat
at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."

       "Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

       "Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

       "Oh, yes!" the mother continued..  "When she goes out with her
friends, that's all they do!"

       "Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.  "Yes," said the mother..
"As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

       "Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about
       alternate plans for the evening.

       A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as
a picture wearing a pink blouse and hoop skirt, and with her hair tied
back in a bouncy ponytail.  She greeted Fred.

       "Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

       Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into
the house and slammed the front door behind her.

       "The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled to her mother in the
kitchen.
       "The goddamned dance is called the Twist!"

[robby017]

good one

[fish-noob]

hehehe