Jokes!

[robby017]

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde,"we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the ottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"

[robby017]

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious.

The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the man responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The FISH"

"What fish?" the man asked.

[robby017]

One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.

Joe then said "Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!"

Bob then replies " It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for the last 30 years."

[Rush]

Good ones robby017

[Rush]

Gurnata qabel ir-referendum ghall-Ewropa, Toni dar fuq Mary u qalla " Mer, ara li tivvota IVA ghax jekk nidhlu fl-unjoni nsiru nies."

"Halli f'idi Ton."  Nsomma, ir-referendum ghadda, dhalna fl-unjoni u Toni mar xtara zewg containers, mela wiehed bis-saqqijiet u l-iehor bil-qliezet ta'taht tan-nisa.

"Mer, jien ghall-Italja, ha mmur inbigh dawn iz-zewg containers u narak 4 gimghat ohra."

Ghadew l-erba gimghat u Toni wasal lura b'dahqa minn widna sa widna...."X'ghidtlek Mer, bihejt kollox u f'erba gimghat qlajt LM2000."

"Mela qlajt ghalqa wkoll.  Jien f'erba gimghat, b'saqqu wiehed u bla qalziet ta'taht qlajt LM4000." 

[maltembu]

Paddy and Mary went to marriage counseling after 25 years.

The therapist asked what the problem was.

Mary had a list - neglect, loneliness, felt unloved.

The therapist asked Mary to stand, he unbuttoned her blouse,

caressed her breasts and kissed her passionately.

"This is what your wife needs three times a week.

Can you do this Paddy?"



Paddy thought for a second and said "I could drop her here

Monday and Wednesday, but I go fishing on Friday's."

[Maria]

Tajba din.

[The_Gaffer]

Lighten up guys, this is a classic !!

A 7yr old and a 4yr old are in their bedroom.  "you know what", says the 7yr old, "I think its time we started swearing.  When we go down for breakfast I'll go first then you", OK says the 4yr old.  
Mum asks the 7yr old what he wants for breakfast.  "I'll have the coco pops bitch!".
WHACK, and the 7yr old flew out of his chair crying his eyes out.  Mum looks at the 4yr old and said sternly, "and what do you want?", to which the 4yr old replies "dunno, but it won't be bloody coco pops!"

[maltembu]

Postman Pat's Last Day:

It was Postman Pat's
last day on the job after
35 years of carrying the mail
through all kinds of weather
to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first
house on his route,
he was greeted by the whole
family there, who all hugged
and congratulated him and
sent him on his way with a
cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented
him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed
him a bottle of 15-year old
Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was
met at the door by a dumb
blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and
led him up the stairs to the
bedroom where she blew his mind
with the most passionate love
he had ever experienced.
When they went downstairs,
the blonde fixed him a full
English breakfast: Bacon,
Eggs, Sausage & Tomato
with freshly squeezed orange juice.
As she was pouring him a cup of
steaming coffee,
he noticed a quid coin in the saucer.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,'
he said, 'but what's the quid for?'

'Well,' said the dumb blonde,
'Last night, I told my husband that
today would be your last day and
that we should do something special
for you'.
'I asked him what I should give you'.
He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a quid.'

She smiled shyly and said,
'The breakfast was my idea.'

[maltembu]

Four men have been going fishing for many years.

This year, Ron's wife put her foot down and told him he wasn't going.

Bitterly disappointed, he phoned and told the others that he couldn't go.
Two days later, the others arrived at the camping site, only to find Ron
sitting there with a tent already set up.

"Ron, how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, yesterday evening, after my wife finished reading "Fifty Shades Of Grey,"
she dragged me into the bedroom.

On the bed she had handcuffs and ropes!

She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

Then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am!

[ganni]

haha, the new version of this joke nice one maltembu keep them coming

[Maria]

Hehe tajba din.

[Mayer]

HAHAHA nice one!

[Kevin G]

seems that this post had been forgotten any jokes ?

[ganni]

Here you go

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''


The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'