Jokes!

[MartinB]

Right! shame it dosen't have a "boss" key on it!!!!

[robby017]

would be cooler if you could switch into boss mode and dart your boss..... hmmm wishful thinking 

[robby017]

THE VIBRATOR

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you
doing?'

The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years
Old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
husband. Please, go away and leave me alone .'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a
shopping trip,
placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the f@!* are you doing?'

The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my
son-in-law.

[sajjiedf2]

Lol about "robby's game". I managed to get to the turbo-cheetah level!!!

[sajjiedf2]

Btw.. forgot to tell you. I pressed a dart at random and the sheep was about to go out so one of the sheep was fired in 0.0001 second. Was lucky a lot:)

[sajjiedf2]

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds Like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, its true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road Hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn?t on!!

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.

Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and?.wasn?t drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.

Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other. ?Look Paddy?..there?s that f ..king idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!?

[Freeman]

you made my day sajjiedf2, Brilliant!!

[robby017]

A Scandinavian man checked into a hotel in Malta last August. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.


Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:





To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 23 July 2008


I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

From ,,
Your Loving Husband


P.S. - Wear something light.......... Its very hot down here!!!!!

[robby017]

Once a boy went to a shop with his mother.
The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets and said
'Dear Child..u can take the sweets...
But the child didnt take.
The shop keeper was surprised.. such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle.
Again he said take the sweets....
Now the mother also heard that and said.. take the sweets dear..
Yet he didnt take...
The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets... he himself took the sweets and gave to the child.
The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.
While returning  home the Mother asked the child...
Why didnt you take the sweets, when  the shop keeper told you to take?..
Can you guess the response:
Child replies... Mom! my hands are very small and if i take the sweets i can only take few.. but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands.... how many more sweets i got!

[robby017]

mmmm...sign of the times.....





One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.   He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person,

'How much for one of those Barbie's in thedisplay window?'   

The salesperson answers, 'Which one do youmean, sir? 

We have:

Work Out Barbie for $19.95,
Shopping Barbie for $19.95,
Beach Barbie for $19.95,
Disco Barbie for $19.95,
Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, 
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95,
Skater Barbie for $19.95   

and

Divorced Barbie for $265.95.'   

The amazed father asks: 'It 's what?!

Why isthe Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only$19..95?'   The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:

'Sir...,  Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car, Ken'sHouse, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken'sComputer, one of Ken's Friends, and a keychain made with Ken's balls."

[robby017]

DID I READ THE SIGNS RIGHT? 





In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW 

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT 

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS 

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN 


In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD 


Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? 


Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS 


Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR 


Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR 


Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE , BUT THE BULL CHARGES. 


On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)   

[robby017]

another one for when you're bored.... at work....




http://www.bassfiles.net/parachute.swf

[MartinB]

Had to share this!!! its NUTS!!!
Imagine walking in the countryside & coming across this lot!!! You'd probably end up heading top speed for the opticians or a psychiatrist LOL!!  
check it out!
http://wimp.com/sheeplight/

[mike.d.]

very, very good.

[robby017]

Interesting ECONOMICS lesson:

It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt.
Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel.  He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to   inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor. The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes ?100. The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt. The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay ?100 for pigs he purchased some time ago. The farmer triumphantly gives the ?100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit. The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she was owing the hotel for her hourly room used to entertain clients. At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his ?100 back and departs.
There was no profit or income.
But everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople look optimistically towards their future.

COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO The Global Financial Crisis?