Jokes!

[Destination Sea]

 

[robby017]

Broken Fence at No. 10 Downing Street



Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the  No. 10. Downing street
One is an English worker , another is a scottish worker , and the third is an Indian worker .
All three go with a No.10 official  to examine the fence.

The English contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run to about ?500:-  ?200 for materials, ?200 for my crew and ?100 profit for me."
The Scottish contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for ?600: ?250 for materials, ?250 for my crew and ?100 profit for me."
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the No. 10 official and whispers, "?1500."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "?500 for me, ?500 for you, and we hire the English contractor to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

[mulett75]

Are you sure that this happened in UK and not in MALTA

[robby017]

Issa ma nafx.... ma rridx inqajjem polemiki 

[visa]

When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle
was devastated.

A couple of months later, Myrtle also died. Once in heaven, Myrtle
anxiously looked for Joe.

Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman.

She ran towards him, calling his name: "Joe. Darling...Joe"

Joe said: "Hold your horses woman, and don't 'darling' me. The deal
was very clear"..."Until death do us part".

[visa]

Wiehed ragel mar jaghmel ic-check-in f'lukanda.
B'ghageb kbir tieghu meta dahal fil-kamra sab kompjuter U ghalhekk iddecieda li jibghat e mail lill-mara.
Izda bi zball, l-indirizz ta' l-email kitbu hazin, U bla ma ttenda bl-izball li ha, baghat l-e mail, Minghalih lill-mara tieghu.
Sadanittant, x'imkien iehor fid-dinja, wahda armla Kienet ghadha gejja mill-funeral tal-ghaziz zewgha.
U wara li telqu n-nies, iddecidiet li tixghel il-kompjuter u Ticcekkja l-e mails billi kienet qed tistenna kwantita' ta' messaggi Minghand qraba u hbieb.
Wara li qrat l-ewwel wahda, hassha hazin.
Binha dahal jigri hdejha u hares lejn il-kompjuter.
Fuq l-iscreen kien hemm dan li gej:


To: L-ghaziza marti


Subject: Jiena wasalt!

Text: Naf li tinsab sorpriza hafna li qed tircievi din l-e mail minghandi!
Issa hawnhekk ghandhom il-kompjuters ukoll u jhalluk tibghat xi e mails Lil tal-familja. Jiena milnix li wasalt u ghadni kemm ghamilt ic-check-in!
Qed nara li kollox hawn ghal-lest, ghall-wasla tieghek ghada filghodu!
Ghalhekk igri narak!
Jalla jkollok vjagg tajjeb bhalma kelli jien.
Izda hej, hawn isfel hawn wisq shana!
Inselli ghalik?

[fish-noob]

illlallllaaa man.... tal gen!!

[mike.d.]

MAGIC SANDALS
a married couple on holiday in jamaica, were touring around a market place looking at the goods on display, when they came across a small shop selling sandals,from inside they heard the shopkeeper say, "you foreigners!, come into my humble shop".
so the couple went in, the shopkeeper said to the husband, "i have some magic sandals, dey make you wild at sex", the wife was very interested, but the husband being the sex god he thought he was, said he didnt need them, but the shopkeeper said "just try dem on man".
so after some badgering from his wife, he slipped them on, and straight away got a wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadnt seen for a long while, in the blink of an eye the husband grabbed the shopkeeper bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped his own pants off and grabbed the shopkeeper by his thighs, the shopkeeper started shouting, "you got dem on da wrong feet".

[noztheviking]

CAN I BUY SOME OF THOSE SANDALS BY MAIL ORDER , IF SO WHERE IN JAMAKA MAN, PLEASEEEE

[mike.d.]

there is a long queue noz, 

[noztheviking]

The Wife says you had better put me at the front of the chuffing queue cos my carpet slippers are just not working

[mike.d.]

nice one.

[Destination Sea]

  minalla hawn il jokes tread 

[fish-noob]

hahaaaaaaa tajba mundinu man!!

[robby017]

History of Telecommunication

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Italian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Italian's, in the weeks that followed, a Chinese archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the China Daily read: 'Chinese archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded
their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Italian's.'

One week later a local Maltese newspaper reported the following:

After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Mgarr , in the North of Malta, Zeppi, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing.

Zeppi has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Malta had already gone wireless.