Jokes!

[robby017]

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy.



Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars."

He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?"

"A hand job", Harry reply.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this huge dick.



She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

[ramio]

A Greek and Italian were talking one day discussing who had the superior culture.  Over coffee the Greek says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

The Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."

The Italian, nodding, says, "But we built the Roman Empire ."

And, so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.  With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

[blueskip]

Voodoo Sex Toy

[Kevin G]

Numru ta' tfajliet, fosthom wahda Ghawdxija riedu jidhlu sorijiet u marru ghand l-isqof biex jaghmlilhom l-"oral test".  Wara li ghamlilhom hafna ezortazzjonijiet u mistoqsijiet dwar ir-rieda taghhom u jekk kinux lesti li jimxu wara l-passi ta' Kristu, staqsa lill-ewwel wahda:  "Inti trid tkun serva ta' Gesu'?"  u dik pront wegbitu: "Iva, Eccellenza, irrid".  Giet it-tieni wahda u staqsiha l-istess: "Inti trid tkun serva ta' Gesu'?"  U hi wiegbet: "Iva, Eccellenza, irrid".  Biex ma ntawwalx fl-ahhar giet l-Ghawdxija u l-isqof ghamlilha l-istess mistoqsija: "Inti trid tkun serva ta' Gesu'?  U dik kienet pront wegbitu: "Le, Eccellenza, ghax ahna l-Ghawdxin prodotti tat-Three Hills biss nixtru!"

[sajjiedf2]

Real Court scenes - These questions and answers have really happened in court!!! Extremely funny!!!

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son -- the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, ''Where am I, Cathy?''
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your atorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

[Destination Sea]

tal bott il blue hux ...

[fish-noob]

Feel free to change names, places and coinage.......



Queensland Government at work.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Queensland Parliament Buildings. One is from Ipswich, another from Logan and the third is from Kenmore.

All three go with a Parliament official to examine the fence.

The Ipswich contractor takes out a tape measure, does some measuring then writes down some figures. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900, $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Logan contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700, $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Kenmore contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Parliament official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Kenmore contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Logan to fix the fence..."

"Done!" replied the government official.

And that, my friends, is politics Queensland style ! !

[maltembu]

Making stairs fun 

[camkev]

Il-Alla man kemm dhaqt...tajba mundinu!!

[mulett75]

Allur taghna is-sajida hallejtu barra? San Nistad

[Kevin G]

u il-qaddis ta min ma jaqbadx hut min hu ? San Zarma ?

[SPITEC]

tas-sajjieda..  San Sanrek.

[alfadelta]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he
might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is.

Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.." Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."


Don't you just LOVE italian lawyers?!

[robby017]

tal hut li ma jridx imis........ San nitpaxxa narak tindanna

[fishfinder]

Qaddis tas-sajd wiehed hawn - San Spejjez