Jokes!

[robby017]

...... cos he still had the axe in his hand !!!!

[robby017]

haha, tajba man lol

[maltembu]

Jeff Dunham - Achmed The dead Terrorist Jingle Bombs (christmas Special)

[shanook]

ara sabu lil ahmed..............mamma mia kemm hu tajjeb dak il ventriloquist

[robby017]

SILENCE!!! I kill you!!!

[The_Gaffer]

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'


Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'


He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two doubles of Jamieson Whiskey.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers! '

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman saw them, went berserk and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk -l for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't tink I can do any more of dis oim drunk and me knees is killin me"!

Murphy said, "Howdya tink oi feel?  Oi can't even remember which pub oi lost de sausage in 

[freediver]

   Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.  He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student  said to his friend: "I'm  sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.  Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so.  The old man surely has Zovitzki

Syndrome.  He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we  learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him:

"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you

might have.  Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think its Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was a Fart........ .............. But I was wrong, too!"

[Perla 165]

LOOOOOOOL tajba sihbi hahahajj

[Destination Sea]

tajba  ...mur xommu

[shanook]

a good clean one or is it a dirty one?!?!?!?!

[robby017]

A single woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do.
    About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland enlargement.

    The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him the baby came from him and that it was a miracle."
    "Do you think it will work?" she asks.
    "It's worth a try." he says.

    So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.

    After the operation, he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."
    "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?"
    "You gave birth to a child!"
    "But that's impossible!" says the priest.

    "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby....."

    About fifteen years go by and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth.
One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father....."
    The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
    The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."

[Kevin G]

loooooooool nice one!!

[robby017]

The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years.  Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.


Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
   

They reached the pearly gates, and St.. Peter escorted them inside.  He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.  A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven.  This will be your home now.'


The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.  'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied.  'You can play for free, every day.'
             




Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man.  This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied.  'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.   
This is Heaven!'


The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again.  All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
                                         
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your f....ing bran Flakes.  We could have been here ten years ago!

[The_Gaffer]

great Joke, save some for the 15th

[robby017]

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin .
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked,
"What man here will buy a woman drink?"




The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,
"Give the ballerina a drink!"




The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked,
"What man here will buy a lady a drink?"




Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said,
"Give the ballerina another drink!"




The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"
The drunk replied, 

"Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"