Jokes!

[toxictuna]

sajjied li qabadt u ghandu ma tellax....san narta

[gzarb]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19gLyMnqK40

[gzarb]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgHba6IFffE

[Destination Sea]

The nun and the hippie

A hippie gets on  a bus and spies a pretty young nun of the order of St Michael.. He sits down next to her and asks her openly: Can we have sex?
No she replies I m married to St Michael
She stands up. and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver who overheard turns to the hippie and says. I can tell you how to get to have sex with her! Yeah says the hippie.
Yes says the bus driver. she goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be St Michael.
The hippie decides to give it a try and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

I am St Michael he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. Have sex with me.

The nun agrees without question but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

St Michael agrees and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

Ha ha he cries I m the hippie.

Ha ha cries the nun. I m the bus driver!

[gzarb]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT86iWiH2mI

[kurtfalcon]

American Bulls**t

[robby017]

WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?



HUSBAND:

Definitely not!



WIFE:

Why not - don't you like being married?



HUSBAND:

Of course I do.



WIFE:

Then why wouldn't you remarry?



HUSBAND:

Okay, I'd get married again.



WIFE:

You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).



HUSBAND:

(Makes audible groan).



WIFE:

Would you live in our house?



HUSBAND:

Sure, it's a great house.



WIFE:

Would you sleep with her in our bed?



HUSBAND:

Where else would we sleep?



WIFE:

Would you let her drive my car?



HUSBAND:

Probably, it is almost new.



WIFE:

Would you replace my pictures with hers?



HUSBAND:

That would seem like the proper thing to do.



WIFE:

Would she use my golf clubs?



HUSBAND:

No, she's left-handed.



WIFE:
- silence - -



HUSBAND:
F * ck....   

[caldaland]

lololololol

[gzarb]

lool

[alfadelta]

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? 'Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension


2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

[camkev]

Tajba siehbi!! 

[alfadelta]

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

(Or the uncertainty of the English language)



Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. 

Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'



---------------------------------------------------------



A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'

The father replied.  'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'





---------------------------------------------------------



'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court

Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and 

then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'



---------------------------------------------------------



A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took

the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband.

'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'



-----------------------------------------------------------



An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has

been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that

were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'



----------------------------------------------------------



Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches..

2. There are no dental records.



 



----------------------------------------------------------



A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take

to fly from  San Francisco  to  New York City  ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up..



 



----------------------------------------------------------



Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'



 



-----------------------------------------------------------



Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion...'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' 



 



----------------------------------------------------------



A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks

him how he is feeling..

'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'



 



------------------------------------------------------------



While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of

bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had

even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.



 



..........................................................................



The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder,



followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.



                                                                         The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there!'

[robby017]

or just go fish......... rammx iggib il lager!

[alfadelta]

Tajba din Ray

[robby017]

Irish Golfer




A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball,

he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the

golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him..........'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball, the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'  And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself, I'll have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the
money he ever needs and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out £100 notes  I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once,

sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all?

Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a

Catholic priest in a small parish.'