Jokes!

[mrk274]

> 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
>
> 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die?
>
> 1st woman: I Froze to Death.
>
> 2nd woman: How Horrible!
>
> 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to
> get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
>
> 2nd wom an: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband
> was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I
> found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
>
> 1st woman: So, what happened?
>
> 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I
> started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and
> searched, and down Into the basement. Then I went through every closet and
> checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,
> and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart
> attack and died.
>
> 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ...............
> we'd both still be alive. !!

[ganni]

araw il clip ta dil link bis sound naqa gholi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp9BSW38bXg&feature=related#

umbad ghiduli xjidrilkom haha

[noztheviking]

Paddy Murphy the renown Irish lover gets married that evening he takes his stunning bride up to the honeymoon suite She dashes off into the bed room to prepare for Paddys nuptials, When Paddy enters the bedroom she who must be obeyed is lying spreadeagled stark naked on the bed she looks at Paddy and whispers in a low sultry voice, YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT DONT YOU PADDY,        YES says Paddy All the chuffing bed by the looks of it !!!!

[ramio]

Tajba Gann,ili ma nara wahda bhad din!!

[noztheviking]

3 BODIES TURN UP AT A MORTUARY ALL WITH SMILES ON THEIR FACES. POLICEMAN ASKS THE CORONER , WHY ARE THEY ALL SMILING ?. THE CORONER REPLIES FIRST GUY DIED OF A HEART ATTACK AFTER HAVING FANTASTIC SEX WITH HIS WIFE. HENCE HIS SMILE. SECOND GUY WON THE LOTTERY AND SPENT THE LOT ON WHISKEY AND DIED OF ALCOHOL POISONING HENCE HIS SMILE THE THIRD GUY WAS THE UNUSUAL ONE  PADDY MURPY FROM BELFAST STRUCK BY LIGHTENING!! POLICEMAN ASKS WHY THE CHUFF WAS HE SMILING  CORONER REPLIES THE PILLOCK THOUGHT HE WAS HAVING HIS PHOTO TAKEN

[noztheviking]

A man was sun bathing naked, he covered his privates when he saw a little girl. He told her he was hiding a little bird,she left and he fell asleep. Later he woke up in pain and in hospital he did not know what had happened. the little girl came to visit, She told him that when he was asleep she had played with the bird but had spit at her so she had broke its neck  burnt its nest, and crushed the chuffing eggs.

[ganni]

nice one mate 

[ramio]

A little girl asked her father:
'How did the human race appear?'

The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;
they had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.   

The mother answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from
which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her father and said,
'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the
human race was created by God,
and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'

The father answered,
'Well, Dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family,
and your mother told you about hers.'

[shanook]

iva din nhar il gimgha trid tieghda man halli naraw hehehhehe.

[ramio]

Ma tarax, u min jizzarda jiftah halqu.........mux jibqa bla drink!!.............jekk ma jhalsulux lohrajn li jkunu qed joxew bid dahq

[ramio]

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year
School children, using a bowl of fruit Polos. He gave all the children the
Same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by
Colour and flavour.
The children began to say:

"Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green..........lime,"
" Orange .........orange."

Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos.
After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify
The taste.

"Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may
Sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled:

"Oh My God!!!! They're arse-holes!!"

[noztheviking]

NEWS FLASH = OSAMS BINLADEN has been arrested whilst sexually molesting a sheep on a welsh mountain side when questioned by the local police his only reply was. Its  Islam and he would do what he chuffing like with it

[ramio]

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

[ramio]

This had me crying with laughter:

A policeman stopped a prostitute on the job, she said:

"But officer, I'm not selling sex, I'm selling condoms with free demonstrations"

[ramio]

One for the spearos:

While following a scuba diver, one shark said to the other: "Don't bite the hard bit on his back, cause it will make you fart"