Jokes!

[bigboy]

Tajba kevinnnnn hahahaha

[The_Gaffer]

Probabli wara l-lejla jisma naqa t-talb taghna....ghax jekk nibqaw sejrin hekk, bhal Grecja ha nispiccaw!!!

[Destination Sea]

Joe  bhal griegi ga qedin

[fishfinder]

tajba din LOL

[camkev]

 I NO COME WOK TODAY!'

Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come wok.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need
you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and
tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I
go to work. You try that.

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say
and I feel Great. I be at wok soon........You got nice house'.

[malvizzu]

Check this out!!

http://www.maltapark.com/item.asp?ItemID=709579

[robby017]

@ malvizzu........

hahahaha, tajba malvizzu........... l-ahjar wahda kienet, mal ***** ghal gol hajt........

u hasruwa

[camkev]

>> >>> > > >       My First Time > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> >>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> >>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> >>> > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> >>> >       The sky was dark > > >       The moon was high > > >     
>> >>>  All alone > > >       Just her and I > > >       Her hair so
>> >>>soft > > >       Her eyes so blue > > >       I knew just what > >
>> >>> >       She wanted to do > > >       Her skin so soft > > >     
>> >>>Her legs so fine > >
>> >       I ran my fingers > > >       Down her
>> >>>spine > > >       I didn't know how > > >       But I tried my
>> >>>best > > >       To place my hand > > >       On her breasts > > >
>> >>>       I remember my fear > > >       My fast beating heart > > > 
>> >>>      But slowly she spread > > >       Her legs apart > > >     
>> >>>And when she did it > > >       I felt
>>no shame > > >       All at
>> >>>once > > >       The white stuff came > > >       At last it's
>> >>>finished > > >       It's all over now > > >       My first time >
>> >>> > >       Milking a cow! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> >>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> >>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> > > > > > >
>> >>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >   
>> >>>   hehehe! You sicko.

[camkev]

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light!

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I
didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
[cid:image001.jpg@01CAF5CF.9E441DA0]
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

[cid:image002.jpg@01CAF5CF.9E441DA0]

9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.. Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15..Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
[cid:image003.jpg@01CAF5CF.9E441DA0]
16..   Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
[cid:image004.jpg@01CAF5CF.9E441DA0]

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20..A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22..Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
[cid:image005.jpg@01CAF5CF.9E441DA0]
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
Thousand times the memory.
[cid:image006.jpg@01CAF5CF.9E441DA0]
26.Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27..The trouble with life is there's no background music.
[cid:image007.jpg@01CAF5CF.9E441DA0]
28..The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29..I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few

[camkev]

.
A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas, coconuts and the few fish that he managed to catch.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore on a boat. In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'

She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank a few months ago.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a rowing boat wash up with you.'

'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made this boat out of raw materials that I found on the other side of the island.. There's lots of wood, palms and vines.

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'I found a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock. I used that for tools.

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walkway leading to an exquisite hut painted in yellow and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'

'No thank you,' he mumbles, still dazed. 'I can't take any more coconut juice.'

'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I've managed to ferment some alcohol. How would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a lovely fountain outside and I've made a razor out of tortoise bone..'

No longer surprised by anything, the man goes to shower and shave.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'Whatever will it be next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?'

She stares provocatively into his eyes ...

Tears start to well-up in his eyes. He swallows excitedly and says...................................








'Bloody hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports'?



 
   
 

[skip]

Good one

[maltembu]

A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India ...


Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust.

Your loving husband,
JITA SINGH


His wife replied...


TINKU KE PAPPA ,

Thanks for the 100 kisses, Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...:


1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord Balkar Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.

4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand..

5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance...

Shall I plan the same for the next month?

Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi

NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN !!!

Ha! Ha!

[name]

Marriage  (Part I )
           Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the  wedding, he laid down the following rules:




 
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time   
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.   
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless   
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.   
I'll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing   
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you   
give me a hard time about it.   
Those are my rules.  Any comments?'
         
His new bride said:   
'No, that's fine with me.  Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
 
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
  ************************************************
  Marriage (Part II)
 
 
  Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
  The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone   
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'   
 
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone   
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
 
  (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
 
 
*****************************************
 
  Marriage (Part III)
 
 
  Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.   
 
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no   
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
 
After some time he realizes he was nasty and   
decides to make amends and rings her up.   
 
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
  She says, 'I was in bed.'
   
'In bed this early, doing what?'
   
'Getting a second opinion!'
 
   (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
 
*****************************************
 
  Marriage (Part IV)
     
 
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.     
 
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his   
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
 
One night, they go to a party.  The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.  He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
   
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,   
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
   
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
 
  *****************************************
 
THE SILENT TREATMENT
 
A man and his wife were having some problems at home   
and were giving each other the silent treatment.   
 
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife   
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.   
 
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece   
of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'  He left it where he knew she would find it.   
 
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it   
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
   
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he   
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.   The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.  Wake up.'
 
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

[robby017]

When Love Fades...



Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's' voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat!"

[robby017]

Mums in group therapy



A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four

young Mothers and their small children.

You all have obsessions,' he observed.



To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating.

You've even named your daughter Candy.'



He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money.

Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'



He turned to the third Mom, Kathy: 'Your obsession is alcohol.

This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'



At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her

little boy by the hand and whispered,

'Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about.

Lets pick Willy up from school and go home