Jokes!

[boneshaker]

can i say one in maltese?

[LapsiBoy]

These are the reasons why beer is better than woman 

1. You can enjoy a BEER all month.
2. BEER stains wash out.
3. Your BEER will always wait patiently for you in the car.
4. When BEER goes flat you toss it out.
5. A BEER doesn't get jealous when you grab another BEER.
6. BEER labels come off without a fight.
7. After you have a BEER, the bottle is still worth a dime.
8. A BEER won't get upset if you come home with BEER on your breath.
9. You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.
10. You can share a BEER with your friends.
11. You always know that you are the first one to pop a BEER.
12. BEER looks the same in the morning.
13. BEER doesnt have a mum

[LapsiBoy]

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So, he tied her up and went fishing.

Pleasure is where you find it

Hehe 

[boneshaker]

mela darba kin emm guvni u mar go bar u staqsih andek 'ice tea tal peach?u l barman qallu'le m andix'.
L-ghada dan il-guvni rega' mar ghand l-istess bar u staqsih'andek ice tea tal- peach?' u l barman qallu 'mhux diga adtlek il birah li m andix!!!jekk terga tigi ghada tistaqsi,nisparalek.'
L-ghada dan il guvni rega mar jistaqsi fl istess bar u qallu 'andek revolver?' u l barman wiegbu 'le' u rega staqsa il guvni, 'mela tista ittini ice tea?'

[The_Gaffer]

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit,
They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he
grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by
puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her
Straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
'Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him,' he said.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage,
flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
'Now. Tell HIM you have a headache.'

[shanook]

tajba joe

[Robert]

Only read a couple and I'm laughing my head off...will read the rest when I'm having a bad day at work

[maxxat75]

lofl!!! tajba Gaffer

[mike.d.]

the duck
           a duck walks into a pub and orders a beer and a ham sandwich, the barman looks at him and says "hang on your a duck".
"i see your eyes are working" says the duck, "and you can talk"! says the barman.
"i see your ears are working too" says the duck, "now can i have that beer and sandwich please" "sorry about that, its just we dont get many ducks in here, what are you doing around here" asks the barman.?
"i"m working on the building site across the road, "i"m a plasterer,
  the barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper and starts to read it, so the duck reads his paper,drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman gooday and leaves.
one day a circus comes to town, and the ringmaster goes in the bar for a pint, the barman tells him all about the duck, "sounds marvelous" says the ringmaster, "tell him to give me a call".  so the next day when the duck comes in the barman says, "hey mr. duck, i think i can get you a top job paying really good money", "i"m allways on the lookout for the next job" says the duck, "where is it "?
"at the circus" says the barman,
"the circus" repeats the duck,
"thats right" says the barman,
"thats the place with the big tent"says the duck,
"yeh" says the barman,
"with all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans, and the tent has canvas sides and a big hole in the middle" askes the duck,
"thats right" says the barman,
the duck shakes his head in amazement and says.
"what the f*** would they want with a plasterer"??.    

[maxxat75]

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

[maxxat75]

Bertu w ohtu Katarin
Fil-gnien kienu t-tnejn qeghdin,
Bertu kellu seba' snin
Sentejn izghar Katarin.

Qallha Bertu, bhal mignun:
"Ghandi bewla ta' gallun..!"
W ghalhekk hass li kien jaqbillu
Jhaffef johrog il-firillu.

"Ghall-erwieh... ittawwal naqra
X'bewla niezla taht l-ghajnbaqra!"
Izda ohtu Katarin
Mohhha kien fir-rebekkin!

"Dak xi jkun?  Mnejn gie?
F'sormok Bert... dak m'ghandix bhalu!"
Bertu wiegeb ... ftit mifxul:
"Allur'inti minn fejn tbul?"

Katarin bla xejn inkwiet
Haffet nizzlet il-qalziet,
Qaltlu:  "Dan ghal kollox jghodd,
Insejhulu Pastizzott!"

Bertu hares iccassat,
Qatt ma kien ra skerz bhal dak;
Donnu doughnut, donnu fula,
Donnu qasma f'nofs ravjula;

Donnu wicc ta' barbgann,
Jew inkella hot-cross-bun,
Jew bezzun mixquq pulit...
Qallha:  "Nista' mmissu ftit?"

Idu fuqu issa qieghed,
Qalbu ttaqtaq u titrieghed,
'Mma kif mar is-salt jaghtih,
Tfaccat ommu minnufih.

Qajmet pandemonju kbir,
Qaltlu:  "Puh, kemm int hanzir!
Ghadek ckejken bhal gurdien,
Daqs missierek gej nittien!!"

U b'hekk Bertu ha lezzjoni
Illi l-mara......tentazzjoni.

[maxxat75]

L-ghaxar Kmandamenti:   

1. Titwieled ghazien biex tghix mistrieh.

2.Hobb is-sodda tieghek bhala innifsek.

3.Strieh matul il-gunata biex torqod matul il-lejl.

4. Jekk tara lil xi hadd jistrih,ghinu.

5.Ix-xoghol hu strapazz,qieghed xi haga ratba tahtek.

6.Taghmilx illum dak li tista taghmel ghada.

7.Ghamel l-inqas li tista u dak li ghandek taghmrl ghid lil haddiehor jaghmlu.

8.Bl-ghazz qatt ma miet hadd.

9.Jekk tigik xewqa li tahdem,poggi bilqieghda u stenna li tghaddilek.

10.Jekk ix-xoghol salmura tal-gisem,l-ghazz balzmu tal-madalena.

[Perla 165]

hahah tajbin dawn maxxat ! jaqaw tipratikom xi naqa jew? :P

[maxxat75]

Mhux bil fors.. ma iridx inkn midneb ta' jien   

[fishfinder]

good one Maxxat